Where it comes from. Greece and Rome, roughly two thousand years ago. Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca are the three you will hear from most.

The core idea. Some things are up to you and most things are not, and a great deal of suffering comes from confusing the two. It does not ask you to stop caring. It asks you to spend your effort where it can actually land.

How it reads. Direct, calm, a little bracing. It will usually point at the one thing that is yours to do today and leave the rest alone.

When it helps. Frustration, unfairness, other people's behaviour, and days spent rehearsing things that have not happened.

Where it comes from. The teachings of the Buddha, about two and a half thousand years old, carried through many traditions since.

The core idea. Nothing holds still, including how you feel right now, and much of what hurts is the gripping rather than the thing itself. Meeting a difficulty with kindness changes what it does to you.

How it reads. Gentle, unhurried, compassionate. It tends to turn towards a feeling rather than away from it, and it rarely tells you to fix anything.

When it helps. Grief, anxiety, being hard on yourself, and wanting a feeling to stop.

Where it comes from. Ancient China. Lao Tzu and Zhuangzi are the two voices behind it.

The core idea. There is a way things already move, and strain comes from pushing against it. Water gets past a rock without arguing with the rock.

How it reads. Images rather than instructions. Quiet, a little indirect, and comfortable leaving a question open. It is the least likely of the four to tell you to do something.

When it helps. Forcing something that will not move, exhaustion, and needing permission to leave a thing alone for a day.

Where it comes from. Cognitive behavioural therapy, developed from the 1960s onwards by Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis. The only modern one here, and the only one built as a clinical method rather than a philosophy.

The core idea. Thoughts, feelings and behaviour pull on each other. A thought that presents itself as a fact is often still only a thought, and it is worth looking at the evidence on both sides.

How it reads. Practical and specific. It is the one most likely to hand you something concrete for the next hour rather than something to reflect on.

When it helps. Spirals, expecting the worst, thinking in absolutes about yourself, and wanting a next step rather than a reflection.